Wednesday, January 24th, 2018
A lot of people go into the New Year knowing what they want their resolution to be.
I am not that person.
To be honest, I’m not really in on the whole “resolution” thing. I used to be, but always found myself failing. Who wants to be involved with something they consistently fail at?
Obviously not me.
So here’s what I did last year: I decided to work on my character. I chose something immeasurable to work on, knowing that I couldn’t fail. It could only be good. I either move forward, or I stay the same.
I decided to be fearless.
Decided. Not vowed, not hoped, not promised. I made a decision. Mentally, I decided I wanted to further who I was.
I started with being fearless, with being brave. I tend to play it safe. I painted the walls in my house beige for goodness sake. Where was my maroon wall? Where was that pop of color in my personality? How was I going to impact others in a positive way without being able to step out of my comfort zone?
So I started small. And you know what happened? I didn’t become daredevil extraordinaire, but I became more brave. And being brave showed me that above all else, I wanted to be positive and kind.
So, I started holding doors for strangers. I made eye contact and smiled. I paid for the person behind me in the drive through. I sent friends cards in the mail just to say “hey!”. I started seeing people’s strengths, what made them glow, stood back and saw how they impacted me, and I told them. When someone started complaining, started down a negative train of thought, I did my best to pull it back out into the sunshine, to the positive. Someone cut me off in traffic? I literally would say out loud “Peace be with you” *deep breath* to stifle the frustration.
And something awesome happened.
It became a habit. My outlook on life changed.
Do you know how wonderful it is to be able to smile at someone who cut you off because, hey, you don’t let it get under your skin.
How full of purpose you feel when you stop to hold a door for a mom carrying a screaming toddler, and she mouths “Thank you” at you, like you just bought her cart full of groceries.
How light you feel when a loved one comes to you with something that really knocks the wind out of you, but while you’re weeping you hear Matthew West’s song “Forgiveness” float through your subconscious, and you know that true forgiveness is more important than holding a grudge. To walk away from the past, and look to the future.
When friendships change for the so so good and deepen when you look at them and say “You are such an awesome cheerleader. You make people feel like they can accomplish anything.” Or: “I really admire you, because you have such a servant’s heart. You give selflessly and in turn really impact those around you.”
It feels so strange and foreign, and plain uncomfortable to do, but I pushed through it because I wanted to be that person.
Those little things kept building and building, and I became more brave. And I became content. I became happier.
God did a lot with my heart over the last year because I trusted his vision. So this year, I’ve been stewing on what I’d like this year to be about. And I keep coming back to the same thing, but it makes me uncomfortable, so I push it back down into it’s box.
I’m not ready.
Yes, you are.
God and I are talking it out. I’m trying to hold my ground, but He’s being extremely persuasive. Mind you, this is nothing huge or earth-shattering, it’s just a personal challenge for me.
For example, I’m sitting in my office today – day dreaming if we’re being honest. What does my business mean to me? Where do I want it to go? What are my hopes and dreams? Paul and I have really been dreaming together about what our 5 year, 10 year plan looks like, so how does family life fit into my business plan?
When “Different” by Micah Tyler comes on the radio.
If you’re never heard it, here’s a snippet:
“I don’t wanna hear anymore, teach me to listen
I don’t wanna see anymore, give me a vision
That you could move this heart, to be set apart
I don’t need to recognize, the man in the mirror
And I don’t wanna trade Your plan, for something familiar
I can’t waste a day, I can’t stay the same
I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different
And I started to tear up.
And then the next song comes on, Se7nth Time Down’s “God is On the Move:”
“I see your generation standing on the truth
In each and everyday saying God is on the move
Anytime the Gospel stirs a searching souls
And someone says “send me, here I go”
I know, I know, I know, I know
God is on the move, on the move
God is on the move
In many mighty ways
God is on the move, on the move
God is on the move
On the move today”
I smile, because that song gets me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. The art of persuasion people. And when the King of the Universe is the one doing the persuading, it’s inevitable.
I hear you, Lord. Let me sleep on it.