January 2nd

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2019

Warning: My heart is feeling melancholy today. I often try to keep my posts upbeat, but I’m giving myself some leeway and grace today.

So, with that warning, here we go.

With the change in calendar always comes the idea of a “blank slate” and “new beginnings.” But what we tend to not talk about as much is how painful those blank slates and new beginnings can be. What about those things that you would’ve loved to bring with you into the new year?

I recently read a post by someone grieving the loss of a relationship and what she said about that grief hit my heart. She simply said to give grief it’s time; that the grieving process takes at least 366 days.

One year and one day.

It took me a moment to really understand what she was saying and then it hit me: the year following the loss always has “checkpoints.”

“This time last year we were doing this, this time last year we were doing that. This time last year I was feeling this way or that way.”

The idea that comparison is the thief of joy. For example, last year at this time I was smiling at Burke laying on the stairs in his favorite spot in the sun, and today that same sunshine coming through my windows and onto the stairs made me stop and weep for a more than a moment.

While I thought the eight months without him would’ve given me enough distance, I had to stop and remember that it’s ok to still work through how I feel. That this hadn’t hit me in previous seasons because the sun wasn’t positioned in the sky just right to come in the house that way until now.

The change of calendar can’t change how I feel about the sunshine on my stairs.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel much hope and joy about the beginnings of a new year, but know that I also feel for all of you out there who may be grieving a loss and struggling with feelings of change.

We’ll get through it, friends, for joy comes in the morning.

366 days; one year and one day.

 

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